#so ok i asked how long do you want me he said well theres finals so probably not very long which like if youre down to just watch me study

[maroonsmatt]

"ARE YOU A VIRGIN?" - matthew sturniolo

matthew sturniolo x fem!reader smut, fluff (?)

contains: virginity loss, f1ngering, explicit content (new to this so lmk if theres anything i should've put that was included)

not proof read

the sound of the tv in matts room overrides my thinking. today i'm a weird mood. matt is watching the tv as i endlessly scroll on my phone.

i get a notification from imessage. its my best friend, "em <3" its her talking about her recent hookup. as much as i love her, i cannot keep track of the men she fucks. i haven't even lost my virginity yet and i am 19. i look over at matt, his eyes fixated on the tv.

"are you a virgin?" i blurt out.

shit. why did i ask that?

he looks over at me, still processing what i had said because of how focused he was on the tv. "wha- oh? uhm.. no. why?"

"i don't know i'm sorr-"

"are you?" he asks, his eyes locked onto mine, making me feel somewhat intimidated.

"oh. yeah, i am" i didn't admit that i wanted to have sex with him, but we were dating for about 3 months. all we had done was made out. i practically yearned for it at this point. if i wanted to lose it to anybody, i would want it to be matt for sure. he makes me feel comfortable. he would. i know it.

"really?" he asks, sounded curious.

"mhm" i say with an awkward smile.

"do you want... to lose it?" he says, now touching my hair.

i hesitate. "um.. yeah."

"to who?"

he wanted me to say him. he knew i would say him. "i don't know..." how am i supposed to say that i want my clothes on his floor straight to his face?

"hm... would you want to lose it to me?" he asks.

"well...yes." i laugh.

"ok then..." he adjusts his position, now his face and hair and chains are dangling above me. i'm looking up at him, laying down. he knows how badly i want him. "why don't we? do you want to?"

i nod my head a little. "how many times have you done this before?"

"twice. now stop asking questions." he puts his lips onto mine, still above me, his arms balancing around me as if he's doing a push up. we start making out for god knows how long. as we kiss, he pulls me on his lap, in a straddle type of position.

we both pull back and i stare at him. he teases at the bottom of my tank top. i pull it off, and it messes up my hair a little. its okay. maybe thats hot to him. i am now in my lacy pink bra. he stares a little. then he gives me a little nod to unclasp it and take it off. as i am reaching for the clasp, which is taking me extra long for some reason right now. as i pull at it, matt asks if i'm nervous.

"a little."

"thats okay. its normal. i'll talk you throught it" how is he so normal and calm?

i finally get the bra off and it falls onto his lap. he picks it up and throws it away. he traces his hands up to my boobs. "tell me if you want me to stop" he says. i give a little hum of acknowledgment.

he gropes my boobs for a few seconds, then takes off his shirt.

"you're beautiful." he says looking at your eyes. i giggle a little bit. how am i supposed to act? he looks down at my shorts. "do you wanna?"

"oh..! oh yeah." i get up and take them off after zoning out for a second. all i have on now is lacey panties. he motions for me to sit on the bed and i do as so. i sit up with my back against the headboard and my ass halfway on the pillow. he sits in front of me. he pulls my panties off a little bit.

"do you ever do this to yourself?"

"yes." i say, slightly embarrassed to admitting that i masturbate.

"ok. you're not super tight. thats good." he smiles up at me. "ok i'm going one finger. tell me if anything hurts." and suddenly his finger is in there. i am already wet. his long finger is exploring and i squirm a little. "okay?"

"okay."

"good. think you can handle a second?" i nod. "okay, get ready." seconds later, theres two fingers in my clit. i let out a shaky breath.

"fuck" i whisper out of pleasure.

"does it feel good?"

"very.." i let out a soft moan.

"okay this might be a stretch-"

"yes, put the third one in. please." i cut him off. soon enough theres three fingers. i let out a moan. i squirm and bite down on my lip. "shit, matt." i throw my head back.

"i know. is it good?"

"yes.." i say as i moan again. we continue for another 2 minutes and then he pulls out, his fingers wet and my pussy soaked. i wonder if it's normal for someone to be that... wet. i look down at him, realizing how far back my head is.

"you did great." he says. he licks his fingers, smiling. "so... i don't really know if you'd like to actually... fuck...?" he says in a low and growly voice.

"um..."

"we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

"n-no. i want to." he gives me an unsure look. "really."

"okay. i'll be super gentle. it's okay." he pulls my panties off my legs delicately, but throws it onto the floor. i am now completely bare. he gets up and goes into his drawer, pulling out a condom.

"oh that's fine, you don't need to."

he gives me strange look. "i am not getting you pregnant today."

"i'm on the pill." i laugh.

"oh. sorry," he puts it down. he pulls off his sweatpants, now only in his underwear. i can't tell if he's hard or has a giant dick. either way, it looks... big. "okay but listen. you seriously have to- have to be super quiet. my brothers are here."

"o-okay. i will." he nods and takes off his underwear and i guess i was right. he had a big dick. i accidentally put on a surprised face.

"you okay?"

"yeah but... are they normally that... b-big?"

"i think i am a little longer than usual." he chuckles. "you sure i'm not too big?" he says sarcastically.

"shut up." i joke. he crawls onto the bed. he flips me onto my back. "i think this way, it will feel easiest." i go into doggy position and he touches my entrance lightly. he slowly pushes it in.

"you okay" he asks, his dick barely in me. i mumble a small 'mhm'. he tries to push in more but he can't go in too much more. "okay, relax a little. it's ok." he pushes in a little more. i guess he can feel my nervousness because once again he talks to me. "hey, its okay. it'll feel good. i promise. don't be scared." i relax a little more. i trust him. he is able to push in a lot more. "good job angel." he rarely calls me nicknames. he finds them corny. he continues pushing and encouraging me until he is fully in. "that was great. now i'm gonna thrust very slowly. let me know if you need me to stop immediately."

he starts to pull out... and go back in. out... and in. i immediately let out a small closed-mouth moan. he goes a little faster. "i am going to continue going a little faster. tell me if i need to slow down"

he gradually starts thrusting a little quicker. i moan quietly again and again each time he pushes in. at one point he presses my stromach to feel how far in he is. "i'm pretty far in. is this okay" i moan out another 'mhm' for the 1000th time tonight. i start gripping the pillow. he goes faster and faster.

"i'm going pretty fast are you good??"

i let out a weak "yeah." i'm trying to be as quiet as i can but i think i am on the verge of an orgasm.

suddenly time felt like it slowed down and i felt a wave of pleasure, a rush. it felt amazing. i felt him fill me up as he slowed down. "fuuuck is that okay? i just cummed y/n." he says as he pulls out. i'm zoned out. that was unreal to me. except, i think i worried him by sitting down regularly. he worries and looks at my face and starts apologizing but i cut him off.

"that was fucking amazing." i smile. "i'm sweating."

"oh, thank god, you got me worried. you did great."

"thank you matt." i say. i couldn't have chosen a better person to lose it to. i look over to the side of the room.

my panties and bra lay together on the floor. my tank top and shorts on the other side of the room. for the first time ever.

tysm for reading! this is my first fanfic so pls leave suggestions and send requests :)

[taylormarieee]

Like how about the reader and carl have like a huge and hateful argument and we ignore each other and when negan comes we still ignore each other and Negan notices but when we go to sleep we cuddle because we have to share a bed?

Maybe?😮‍💨🤭🫣

GOD I LOVE THIS HSSDJSHSHSH

(I added a little bit of Daryl x Reader contact in this if you don't mind anon!)

You and Carl were inseparable. You guys truly loved each other an everyone saw that but when you guys get into an argument its nothing but the silent treatment.

"Well you shouldn't have gone over the wall! God I hate looking after you!" Carl yells.

"You could have been killed omg, why do you always have to make such stupid decisions! God I hate when you do this!" He continues.

"Well guess what Carl, you don't have to always look out for me! I don't need you! I never did Carl! I hate you so fucking much!" You yell back at him.

"Well guess what I hate you just as much! I never wanna see you ever again!" He yells back.

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

You storm out of your shared house and of course today just had to be the day when Negan comes for supplies. God you really hated Negan and his whole clan.

God was really testing your patience today. The person you hate the absolute most just has to come after you just got into the biggest argument ever.

"Hey there teenage killer! Where's Carl, my favourite one-eyed murdurer." He says with that stupid smile on his face.

"I don't know and I don't care! I hate him! Negan just take what you need and get the hell out!" You say walking straight past him.

He sucks his teeth and licks his lips, "Ok!" He says, "Load em up boys!" He yells to his minions.

They all go into our houses and take what they want, everyone in Alexandria stands around waiting with nothing but disgust on their face.

"Theres my one-eyed killer! What's up with shorty over there." Negan asks.

"I don't care what's going on with her. I hate her." Carl responds with hatred.

"Take what you need and go Negan before my dad gets back." He says walking away from Negan towards Denise and Tara.

Your standing next to Daryl, glaring at Carl from afar as Carl does the same to you. You both ignore each other for the rest of the day.

Negan notices what's going on and so does Daryl. "What's goin on? Ya look like ya saw a witch." Daryl says.

You tried to keep a straight face but ended up laughing.

"What Daryl? What are you talking about!" You chuckle.

"You look as if ya hate witches. So tha's why I asked." He says fiddling with his knife.

"No, me and Carl got in a fight and we said some very hateful and hurtful things. So now were both ignoring each other." You say.

"That ain't gon last, not fer long." He grunts. "Oh yea? And how would you know?" You ask amused.

"Because, ya'll are on each other like flies on shit, ya love each other and one lil argument ain't gon stop tha kinda love." He says before walking away to let you think.

'No, I hate Carl! He's so annoying.' you thought, but was he really...

After a while the day finally comes to an end and the sun has gone down and everyone is heading to bed.

You haven't talked to Carl all day and that's how you liked it. You walk to your shared house hoping he wouldn't be there and he wasn't.

You took a quick shower and changed into some Pj's. You got out the bathroom only to be met with carl also getting changed.

He must have showered at his dad's house. Whatever, you didn't care anyway.

"Which side?" You say sternly not looking at him. "What?" He asks. You sigh and repeat it again.

"Which. Side! Which side of the bed are you sleepin on?" You ask more frustratedly.

He chooses the egde of the bed so you choose the side closer to the wall.

You crawl into bed with your back turned towards Carl. You sigh as his side of the bed dips. You relax as you slowly drift asleep.

You feel hands wrap around your waist. " 'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. Do you forgive me?" Carl whispers.

You nod. "Yea I forgive you, I'm sorry about what I said, I do need you, I always have and I always will. I love you Carl." You say sweetly.

'I love you too!" Carl says before pulling you closer letting the silence guide him to sleep.

'hm, Daryl was right.' you thought before finally falling asleep.

A/N: This can be found in my master list as "Silent Treatment". Hope you enjoyed Anon and I really liked this!

Taglist: @carlgrimesenthusiast @carlsdarling

[rabbitshat]

I have such a devious little idea, imagine with me if you will.

RiseTMNT and Arcane AU

Theres no Rise Mystic/Magic, its all Arcane cannon magic

The hidden city becomes the Undercity/Zaun and NewYork is replaced by Piltover.

Humans are first class citizens, Yokai live in the Undercity as second class citizens and Mutants are third class.

Donnie(20) my beloved with spinal issues bcs of some accident in his youth working his ass off to gain footing in Piltover and trying to make the world a better place for the people in the Undercity(a Viktor replacement in a way). He left the Undercity about five years ago.

The rest of the turtles have to steal from humans, as one does, to survive. But when that stops being a reliable source of money for food (necessities in the Undercity are suuuper over priced, even to Piltover standars, but what are they gonna do? Go up top and buy there? Thats a joke.) Raph(23) goes to work for Big Mama and gains her as a patron in a way. Hes still massive and a scary bastard, he has a side hustle in the BloodDome as one of its best fighters.

Leo's(20) leader of the Firelights, a real revolutionary that one. After Raph started to work for BigMama, Leo took the reigns as Mike's(17) big bro. He started to gain a sort of street rep similar to Raph's, but in a much more "family man" kind of way. He is known to have loyalty that kills, the family comes first and if someone --even if they themselves are a part of the family-- threatens his family (especially the younger ones) they will face a painful death.

Mike's(17) know as the Icarus but simultaneously the Sun of the Undercity. He's a dreamer and almost all teens his age in the city love to hate him. The kids love him and his art of course, he even might teach you how to run the rooftops. But the teens hate how untouched by the cruel life in the Undercity he seems, there's a lot of prejudice in those thoughts in the "how dare a mutant be so care free". Of course they cant really DO anything to him, what with Leo and Raph's reputations on the streets (even if BigRed isnt around all that much) but they go to extreme lengths to ostracize him.

Splinter, a very reputable and beloved Council member that got mutated by ~mysterious circumstances~ that runs away to the Undercity only to find the four brothers.

Imagine with me, Donnie on the bridge that connects the Undercity Leo beside him begging him to cone home. He tells him how isolated Mike is, how Raph has been working and fighting for BigMama. How he needs to just come home so they can finally be a family again. A lie he knows all too well, he tells it to himself everytime he catches a glance of Raph on the more seedy parts of the Undercity standing over a beat up yokai, the pink glow of BigMama's drug enhancements reflecting off the alley's walls. He repeats it every time he sees the other teens ridicule Mike as if he were some sort of vermin.

If Donnie, his brother, his twin just comes home everything will be ok again. Its been so long and his back looks so much worse, and please just leave it all behind and come home.

Its an unfair ask, he knows that, its selfish but he cant do this anymore.

"I cant, i have a lot left to do still. I promised you id only go back when i found a way to make life better for everyone. And i did! I just need time-"

"How much time do you STILL need Donnie?! Its been five years! Mike's not a little kid anymore- hes seventeen! I almost cant recognize Raph anymore, Dad's gone and it feels like im losing YOU. What? Do you think you fit better up here?! Are you better than us now that you 'made it' up here?! Are you one of the good ones just because you have something to give them?!"

Its an ugly fight, words were said and their already fragile bond feels like someone took a serrated bread knife and cut into it a thousand times.

Leo has never wanted to die more than the day the news of the Council being blown up reaches his ears, the day the people of Zaun celebrated the start of a battle for freedom. The day he thought his brother was dead and the last thing they did together was fight.

(I haven't watched the new Arcane season but im very exited to lol)

[im-yn-suckers]

midnight rain

ok, ok i had no idea Taylor Swift had a song named 'Midnight Rain' so do not come at me lol

pairing-bf niki x fem reader(jays younger sister)

warnings-kissing, dancing in the rain, emotional jay, kinda long ngl hehe, theres a shower at the end so thats up to you to decide if theyre separate or not:) not proofread

song- A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

11:59 pm. it was pouring outside and you two were watching it. you watched the way it hit the ground. he watched the way you adored the rain. he knew you wanted to go play in it because you kept looking at him every now and then.

-"let me guess, you want to go play in it?"- he asked already knowing your answer. you nodded excitedly in response.

-"lets go then"- he said putting on his hoodie and tossing you his extra that was lying on the windowsill. you two left towels for when you returned

once you got outside, he was a little hesitant but you reassured him nothing bad was going to happen

-"what if the guys find out?"- he asked because jay was always worried that youd get sick. he wasn't too much of a protective brother. he knew you like niki and that niki liked you. he saw how happy you two were together so he decided he was the perfect one for you and you were the perfect one for him.

-"well then. come what may. hurry it might stop soon"- you grabbed his wrist and he followed you into the rain.

after a few minutes, you were being spun around. entering the soft embrace of niki, then leaving. niki looked ethereal with his hair dripping. the way his hair dipped into his eyes gave you butterflies. his face was beautifully lit up by the moon. his boxy smile and the way he looked at you was enough to know you love him and he love you.

the moon highlighted his straight white teeth. the crease around his mouth when he smiled. his sharp cat like eyes. his plump lips. his sharp jawline. the wrinkles around his eyes.

he pulled you into his embrace. he held you by your waist. you put your arms around his neck, playing with his hair. he pressed his forehead against yours, smiling, looking into your beautiful eyes.

he loved the way his hands fit on your waist perfectly. the way your eyes sparkled in the moonlight. the way you looked with raindrops in you hair and on your eyelashes. how celestial you looked. not just celestial, more like ethereal, exquisite, airy, divine.

he loved the way your bodes fit together like pieces of a puzzle. the way you two could stay like this forever, with your foreheads pressed together, noses touching, eyes shut, swaying from side to side, you in his embrace, him holding you close to him.

he pressed his plump, pink lips against yours. he kept them there for a little while. you pressed your against his. you kissed him back and didn't want to stop. he pulled away and smiled at you. you smiled at him. and before you knew it his beautiful lips were on yours again.

that was until jay opened the door and saw you two kissing, soaking wet, in the rain, under the beautiful moon. he was going to say something but you two started to dance again. looking at you two waltzing in the rain made his heart melt.

he felt a tear slip down his cheek. he wiped it, decided to go inside and just watch through the window. the way he looked at you showed he was proud of both of you. his little sister, all grown up, waltzing with his younger best friend. his not so little sister, words couldn't express how he felt right now.

his not so little sister, finally found someone who loves her more than anything. his not so little sister, who loves someone more than anything. why did you two have to be so cute together? hi face was wet from watching you two dance the night away

-"i love you more than anything, y/n"- he said pulling you into a hug

-"i love you too, niki"- you said burying your head into his chest.

-"now, may i have this last dance, princess?"- he asked, bowing like and elegant prince as he held out his hand.

-"why of course you may, prince."- you answered taking his hand

you waltzed for another 10 minutes, all while jay and the rest of enhypen watched you two be a fluff, cliché couple. jay, wiping his face and washing it in order to hide the fact that he was crying. he pulled you into his embrace one last time.

all the enhypen members watched as niki kissed his favorite person in the world. the kiss was filled with all sorts of emotions but mostly, love, happiness, joy, excitement, innocence and passion. you kissed him back, arms around his neck. one of his hands on your waist, the other holding the back of your head. he pulled away and left one last soft peck on your lips.

1:19 am, jay had been watching for half an hour, enhypen had only been watching for ten minutes. you two made your way back inside, hand in hand. only to find enhypen sitting on the couch with crossed arms.

-"ok we weren't out there for long"- niki said in attempt to save you two.

-"i was watching for half an hour"- jay said

-"we're really sorry"-you apologized

-"we're not mad, we're proud"- jay said and all the members agreed

-"proud of what?"- you asked

-''you two. for finding the ones you truly love. just please don't do this again. or at least let us know''- jay said

-''ok''- you two murmured in agreement.

long story short, these were the moments that would last a lifetime. they were the moments that proved you would be together forever. the night ended with a warm shower and cuddles.

-''i love you, so, so much''- niki reminded you

-''i love you too my love''- you answered

an: i dont know anything abt dancing soooo. did yall see his weverse update????????? im not ok. i might write a fic abt paragraphs 8-11. should i??? js explaining everything he loves and everything you love. i got a lil carried away eh heh not me crying while writing this

[tqxky]

Pretty cool || Enid rhee x fem!reader

Warnings: None <3

Summary: first meeting with Enid (s5)

_______________________

"Jeez, Y/n, you're so slow!!" Carl yelled at me, running through the streets of Alexandria.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, walking after him, not bothering to walk a bit faster.

Carl stopped walking and looked back at me, "What, you don't care that you're going to get some new friends?"

I sighed, "Yeah, yeah." Finally catching up with him, "They'll probably not live long, the people here are pussies."

We walked up to one of the houses, "You're an asshole." Carl said before knocking on the door.

"I know, i like it." The door opened, a boy around our age stood in the doorway, giving us a small smile.

"Hey! Carl and.. Y/n, right?" He asked.

Carl smiled back at him, "Yeah, that's us." I rolled my eyes, 'well, this is awkward.'

"Cool, im Ron, come in." He stood aside, letting me and Carl walk in.

Ron showed us around the house a bit, eventually getting to his bedroom.

He opened the door, letting me and Carl walk in, i took a quick look around the room, spotting two other kids, Ron spoke again,

"Alright guys, this is Mikey," Ron pointed at the boy sitting at the desk, who gave us a smile, "Hello!"

Ron pointed at the girl, who was sitting on the bed, "And this is Enid." She didn't look up from the comic she was reading, replying alot less interested than Mikey, "Hey."

"Alright, so," Ron spoke again, looking at Mikey, "Maybe you, me, and Carl can hang out, we'll leave the ladies here to get to know each other."

Carl looked at me, trying to see if it was fine with me before answering, "Uh, yeah, sure." Ron smiled,

"Alright, awesome, let's go, we'll play some video games. Come on, Mikey." Ron walked out of the room, dragging Carl with him, Mikey following.

I sighed, now being alone in the room with Enid.

"So.." I spoke, trying to get a conversation going, "I guess we're alone now, huh?"

"Mhm." Enid replied, not bothering to look up at me, 'Well, this is awkward.'

"Mind if i sit?" I motioned to the bed,

"Sure." She replied, still not looking up at me,

I sat down on the bed and sighed again, now looking around the room, thinking about what to do.

"So, what're you reading?" It was pretty clear that she didn't want to talk, but she did anyway, "just some comics."

"Ah, cool, cool..", I laid back on the bed a bit, staring at the ceiling.

'Should i just leave? I should just leave, she doesn't want to hang out with me.'

"Hey Enid?", This time, she actually turned to me, i immediately noticed how pretty she actually is, "Uh, if you want me to leave.. you can just say it, OK? I don't want you to be forced to be around me if you don't want to."

Enid sighed and placed her comic book on the bed, "Look.. im sorry, im not really good at being social, and stuff like that.. but, i don't want you to leave, you don't seem bad." That made me smile.

"Come here." Enid motioned for me to sit beside her, which i did, she handed me a comic to read,

"Im sorry for being rude to you earlier." She said, i chuckled a bit,

"I wouldn't say you were rude, im honestly just like that, i don't enjoy being social either."

Enid smiled, "You're pretty cool, y'know?"

"Im cool?" I asked with a smile.

"Yeah," Enid looked away, but looked back at me again, "I thought you were going to be boring, but i don't think you are, you're cool."

I smiled, "Thanks, Enid." She smiled back, "You're welcome."

-----------------------------

Yeah this took way to long to write, and honestly im not that happy with how it turned out and i do really feel guilty for not really writing anymore, but I'll try to do it more, this is really short and very badly written but yeah, its something, thank you guys so much for all the support. <3

(Also quick note that this story and everything else i write isn't proof-read just to save myself from embarrassment, so if theres any mistakes, thats why)

[lexiemalfoy]

Draco x reader (part 3)

You had just started your fifth year at Hogwarts. You're in Slytherin and have a crush on Draco Malfoy.

I haven't posted in ages but I hope this makes up for it, please let me know what you think.😊

You and Draco quickly walked back to the common room hand in hand. Everyone was at dinner but so the common room was empty. Neither of you were very hungry so you just went to Draco's dorm. You've been in Draco's dorm before so you knew what he was like. He's a very tidy person. He makes his bed every morning and tidy's his room regularly. Draco was a prefect so he had a private dorm but when he had to share it drove him nuts. His roommates would leave there stuff all over the floor and while they were at dinner Draco would be tidying up their stuff. It pissed them of but this is Draco we're talking about, if they tried anything he'd let his father deal with it.

"Draco?" You said quietly. "Yes, darling." Answered Draco. "Do you think it would be ok if I maybe slept here tonight? It just because I share a dorm with Pansy and-" he cut you off. "Of course you can stay here darling. I wouldn't dream of making you sleep in the same room as Parkinson after what happened." He smiled softly as he slowly moved towards you. "So which side of the bed do you want?" Draco asked. He smirking at your red face. "Oh, I-umm," You were speechless. You didn't think you were going to sleep in the same bed as Draco. You thought you would sleep on the floor or something. Of course you were over joyed but there was one problem, getting your stuff without running into Pansy. Dinner was all most over and you could hear all the people who left early to finish homework already talking in the corridor outside the common room. "Can you come with me to get my stuff from my dorm." You finally said trying not to look to happy. "Sure." Draco said still smirking.

You quickly walked to your dorm with Draco. No one was there. "I'll just grab my stuff and then we can go." You said while collecting your makeup from the bathroom and throwing it in your bag. "Ok. Not to rush you but theres only three minutes until everyone is back from dinner, so is there anything else you need that I could get for you?" There were only a few things you still needed and they were your pajamas and clothes for tomorrow and you wanted Draco to get neither. If he got your pajamas he would be would probably ask if you wanted him to get you clothes for tomorrow and if he got you clothes for tomorrow he would see your underwear and you didn't want him to see them. "No, I just have to grab three more things and then we can go." "Ok, you sure?" "Yeah, I'm good."

You got everything you needed and went back to Draco's dorm. The common room was full of people chatting and finishing home work but no one noticed you walk with Draco in to his dorm.

"why do you think Pancy is such a bitch?" You ask. You were now sitting on Draco's bed; your back on his chest, eating the sweets his mother had sent him. "I don't know, why did you start crying when she was being mean? That not like you." You looked up at him admiring his face. "I'm not sure." You said. You were a bit confused at that your self. You had never burst into tears so quickly in your life. "I guess I may have needed to cry." "Why's that, princess?" "Well I probably needed to cry from being so happy but then I also probably needed to cry because I thought that you really liked Pancy and I felt really horrible when I thought that." You said taking a bite of the chocolate bar you were eating. Draco kissed your forehead. "I'm so sorry sorry you felt like that. I wish I had told you sooner that I liked you." "How long have you liked me?" You asked a soft smile on your lips. "Umm...do I have to answer that?" "Yes you do!" You giggled. "Ok. Ok. Since I saw you at the sorting in first year." "Aww thats cute." "It's not cute, I would have killed me to have to pretend to like that pig Parkinson any longer then I did." "And it killed me to think you might actually have married her." "Not a chance! I would have ran away from home if my father told me we had to marry." "If that happened where would you have gone?" You finished your chocolate bar and snuggled into Draco's chest. He rapped his arm tightly around you. "This will probably sound a bit weird but I was thinking that I could have gone to your house and told you what happened and I also had a dream were that happened and there was a lot of stuff that happened after you let me in." "Such as?" "Well let's just say it's a fantasy I would like to become reality at some point." He smirked at you. You looked down blushing very hard.

[gaysonlyocean]

ok ok I have a few for ogtbh

how is evelin handling everything? I care her so much how is she doing-

chaos on the car #1, the theft, I really REALLY wanna know more about Thatcher and Dave's reaction and how shit goes down after

and uhhhhh what was Adam's first kill like-

(you don't need to answer all of them i just wanted to gives some variety teehee 🥰)

oh yippee mel questions!! EDIT FROM HALFWAY ANSWERING THIS IS GOING UNDER A CUT SOBS UH WARNING FOR DESCRIPTION OF MURDER

evelin would answer being asked if how things are going with "well its going ':]" she stressed out of her mind as it is

shes trying her best to keep things under control and not freak out but nothing seems to be going right and she was already dealing with m.a.d. as it is so shes been having a lot of quiet cries to herself when shes pretty sure no ones looking

evie was also venting to jonah about things at first, but then the ear thing happened and she felt bad putting it on him when hes also stressed so she stopped and has just been internalising it

the bottlecap pendant and the conversation she has with thatcher to get it help alot though!!

god i fucking love the first chaos in the car on their end cause they have a significiantly less chaos in their car but its still so chaotic, we get two for the price of one in that bit

they literally said NOTHING to eachother the entire ride up to that moment other than a "get in" "thanks" when thatcher picked dave up cause this happens literally like. a hour after the divorce phonecall so neither are happy about this

AND THEN SUDDENLY DAVE JUST GOES "is that my car??" AND LOW AND BEHOLD IT IS AND SARAH IS DRIVING IT so dave just winds down the window and you KNOW thatchers car doesnt have electric winders so he has to turn that fucking gear thing and now hes half out the fucking window going "sarah? is that y-" AND SHE FUCKING YELLS OUT A CUSS AND HITS THE GAS SPEEDING OFF

SO NOW THE TWO OF THEM ARE JUST SITTING THERE CONFUSED BEFORE THATCHER STARTS DRIVING AFTER THEM AND THE ENTIRE TIME THEY CAN HEAR EVERYONE SCREAMING IN THE OTHER CAR

AND THEYRE NOT MUCH BETTER CAUSE DAVE KEEPS GOING "WHY DID SARAH STEAL MY CAR???" TO WHICH THATCHER GOES "IDFK THE ONLY INTERACTIONS WITH HER IVE HAD WERE HER SENDING ME DEATH THREATS WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???"

theres also a lot of unhelpful comments from both of "where did she learn to drive holy shit" cause of sarahs fucking gta approach to it rn

how things go down after is they finally catch up cause unlike sarah thatcher is trying to not accidentally drift and shit and daves car is just abandoned

they go out into the area to try to find them when suddenly both of their phones start going off and then stop ringing the second they go to answer

dave thinks this is weird but thatcher thinks this is Alarming and starts looking extra hard and eventually find bps + evelin trying to sneak away and they just have. so many questions

but before they can ask any dave goes "dammit im gonna be late to the church" which makes adam panic and go "you absolutely cannot go there" and then he just. refuses to elaborate and now his friend are also vaguely going "yeah dont go to church"

obviously this is Weird so they go "right car theft forgiven your all coming with us what the fuck is going on" and they are refusing to give answers while staying at daves house for the next few days

dave doesnt mind and is happy to have people over so hes just trying to play host and having fun while also trying to contact o'brien who strangely is ignoring him

thatcher starts coming over again for the first time in years cause he also wants to know what the fuck is up with these kids and uh

he gets his answer :)

ANYWAY MOVING ON this ones gonna be a doozy ill tell you that >:)

adam killed someone for the first time when he was 15, and what he really remembers of it is the aftermath of six basically going "finally, you became one of us so young yet took so long to do this i thought youd disappoint me again and not do it, im so proud of you" cause yknow the desperation for parental affection weve all been there

it was someone in yonder county, he doesnt remember the details exactly of how the house looked from the outside, but he does remember the interior like the back of his hand

single bedroom bungalow with a really tiny bathroom, no tub, the fridge hummed incredibly loudly and they always turned the stove off at the wall for some reason, they didnt really have room for a living room but they had a nice recliner in the tiny space anyway, and a stack of books beside it, there was a lil storage space inbetween the bathroom and bedroom in which the owner kept a vacuum and cleaning chemicals

adam had let himself into the house a few days prior and had gone unnoticed, keeping himself to the little storage space, moving lil things around the house to make them doubt things

he then cornered them in the kitchen, just like hed been taught to do, and he doesnt remember he had the knife first or if they had it out but he knows he pushed it through their neck until it came out the other end

and then, despite the praise he got for it, after it was done he found himself feeling weird about it, it wasnt quite sadness and it wasnt quite guilt but it was bad whatever it was

[hirokiyuu]

17, 18, 19?

17. talk about your writing and editing process

that of an insane person quite frankly. a pef chapter is the worst bc it ltierally goes like:

write the chapter while alm is making edits concurrently whenever i ask to make sure it obth a) makes sense w/whats been written adn b) Sounds Good also > finish writing it and start on my own personal edits > get alm to do their own last edits > fix up things > send to stella (hi) who does edits > do more edits > send to abble for proofreading > FIX THINGS....... and between each of htese three ppl im using doing my own edits as well. i have a disease

for the writing part specifically tho its usually like. write whatevers sexiest while jumping around and then fill in the rest w/as little as i can (this is not a joke) (if its not interesting to me why would it be interesting to the reader)

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

He’d looked for her, just before he left. She’d been up on the walls for guard duty, the way she’d been every single Glow since the Helio landed, and when she saw him looking up at her she’d smiled. It’d hidden the bags under her eyes, the ones that had started to emerge after her birthday the year previous and never quite gone away, and as always the warmth of it had dizzied him. 

She’d leaned over the fence with a wave, mouth open as if to shout down, when one of the other guards -- someone from the Helio Dys hadn’t known the name of -- had said something, and she’d paused, sighed, and gave him another little wave instead before straightening back up. That night she’d sent him a message: Sorry abt earlier!!! Miss hanging out w/you but you know how glow is x___x Let’s catch up in quiet, ok? We can head out to the ridges and I can finally tell you abt the crazy thing Marz n I have been workin on for months lol

He’d stared at it a long time, his throat weird and tight. He could hear it in her voice, the lilting cadence of it, and he’d been wanting to talk to her for what felt like an eternity, but since Vertumnalia she’d been running all over the colony without a single break, looking more and more haggard every time he saw her. The only times he’d ever seen her relax had been when she’d been with her stupid boyfriend, who never flinched away when she tried to kiss him and in fact usually kissed her first, a smile on her face whenever he did.

A part of him had wanted to text her back. It would’ve been so easy, a quick little sure and then he could’ve gone back to his bunk, crawled into bed and lain there for days until the suns began to rise again, until he could walk once more by her side and listened, aching, to her laugh.

He hadn’t. Instead he’d set the bomb just like he’d promised, kneeling alone in the hiding hole the two of them had once passed their days together in. The place they’d once sat with their knees knocking, complaining about the colony and talking excitedly about aliens, the place that had once been their only escape from everyone else. The place he was going to turn to ash. The place he’d never see again.

some stuff from the dishsoap ridgefic confession id decided to axe in the end bc it didnt flow well enough but i did still like the concept wwww theres a LOT of cut stuff from this fic in general i wont lie

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

some of the shit ive been reading abt lately for the latest pef chapter has been. kinda out there. i cant actually say in words bc its technically spoielrs but part of it is solely to make sexier metaphors and part of it is goro being obnoxious on purpose

[itlivesproject]

here is the abel simp anon ILW FINALE thought dump (part 2! covers from when we play as devon until as we play as rowan)

2 months later? damn

NOW PLAYING AS DEVON??????? I HAD TO PUT THE GAME DOWN JUST TO GASP

….the memorial? oh dear grab the tissues

WE SAVED EVERY POSSIBLE SURVIVOR LET’S GO

connor is back and i am just as in love with him as ever

“Besides, you know how great a couple she and Abel make. I'm sure they're both doing great together.” i think i actually just squeaked

YOU CAN’T REMIND ME OF MAYOR GREEN.. AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO HER ???

and janie :(

loha… she deserved so much better :(

and finally, jessica, the start of it all (whose cg remains to be one of the best things i’ve ever seen in my life)

lincoln giving ratty matty’s money to a nonprofit for DA, that’s our guy!!!!!

i think lincoln aquino is a beautiful name! much better than the ties to the mcquoid name, i’m happy for him<3

amalia and jocelyn being besties? impeccable friendship

AND THE CURE IS WORKING! I’M SO HAPPY FOR THEM ALL

and amalia’s school record are fixed ??? THAT’S MY GIRL!!! SHE’S GONNA BE THE BEST LAWYER THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN

ELLIOT AND ROBBIE!!!!

harper and tom being the cutest for 1 minute straight

omg devon and harper having a handshake?? besties confirmed

CONNOR AND NOAH MY LOVES

someone pay for connor’s therapy PLEASE he will need bucket-loads of it at this point

THE COPS DROPPED NOAH’S INVESTIGATION?? MY BOY!! HE IS FREE!!!

“you know you can stay here for as long as you need” CONNOR AND NOAH ARE BEST FRIENDS CANONICALLY BECAUSE I SAY SO

noah’s mother hate club ‼️

sunny and luis deserve every happiness this world has to offer

ava thinking that being possessed was cool is so on brand😭

“Also, you need therapy.” dan keepin things real

the green siblings have my whole heart

CONNOR DIRTY THIRTY???????????? this is truly the best possible ending.

new music track????

“I love you when you're teasing me, I love you when we fight. love you when you're covered in blood or monster guts.” “Connor tells you these words every morning when you wake up, and every night when he goes to bed, but somehow, it always manages to feel like it's the first time he's said them.” he is the only man to ever exist. (alongside abel of course)

also connor, strong disagree with the chocolate in the fridge thing

STOP IT !???? PROPOSAL ???!?????? I STOOD UP. I WAS SAT DOWN AND I HAD TO STAND UP.

YES. HELL YES. MARRIAGE?!!

“Come on, sweetheart. Marry me?” WELL HOW THE HELL DO I SAY NO TO THAT???

i am grinning like a FOOL

“Your heart lifts to your throat as you examine the ring. It's so detailed, so personal. Leaves, like the forest around you, the forest you fell in love in. Your initials carved into the bottom. A diamond like you've always wanted.” i think i just died and went to heaven. HE IS THE CUTEST MAN EVER STOP IT

AND HE MADE IT HIMSELF? why don’t men like him actually exist.

i am now sat back down but i will stand back up if i need to. that is a threat.

THERES MORE?

“It's a house. With a yard for a dog, and enough rooms for guests and offices, and an address that doesn't confuse delivery drivers. It looks happy. And it's ours, if you want it.” the only reason i am not crying rn is because i am positively overwhelmed

i could literally quote all of his dialogue because it is all so incredible but i’m going to stop because this is long enough as it is😭

“God, you're so put together and capable. It's hot.” devon keeping it real

“Sweetheart, I love you, but all my lines work on you.” i said i would stop quoting connor and i lied, i just love him so much

“It’s no wonder there are deep grooves in the paint” YOU DIDN’T

for the one and only connor dirty thirty…. you guys nailed it (😏) also fun fact, if you remember getting as ask right at the very start of the project asking if connor green was in it and if we could bang him… that was me😳

“He wraps his arms around you, and it feels like coming home” ok it’s like you’re TRYING to get me to tear up now

(continued in part 3!)

-abel simp anon🤍

PART TWO

[heliianth]

here’s another ask for you: talk abt whatever you want!!!

WAUGH thank u for a new one!!!!! ilysm!!!!!

rambling abt sonic and character foils and the IDW comics below the cut this is aimless enough for me to want it be an opt-in experience LOL

i was gonna talk abt this last night but it was 11 AnyWay. i saw a criticism of the IDW comics on reddit a long time ago and its got me thinking recently. someone said they didn't quite enjoy the way the comic was tackling sonic as a character not because of the inconsistencies in his pre-established beliefs (which are present) per se but because IDW keeps challenging them in ways that don't feel, from what i remember the comment saying, "good-spirited"? i hadnt heard that critique before so it was unique enough to catch my interest but not actually think much until now. but theres a reason for that hold on ok

so. to preface this whole thing. some of the most beloved stories in the series are ones that Do challenge sonic's beliefs. thats the reason why, when the series wants to tackle more mature content, they make foil characters. sa2 which reddit largely considers as having the best story has foil characters everywhere but specifically it spends a lot of energy on it's themes of identity and growth by making sonic and shadow clash not just physically but ideologically. that talk they have after final rush/chase basically spells it out and its framed as shadow hearing sonic out and then dismissing him ("what are you/i'm me/i see, well, i'm gonna beat your ass" <- basically). and then later on sonic's viewpoint is reinforced when shadow (airquotes) dies, but not before sonic himself is visibly impacted in the credits sequence. that whole story right there was, at least thematically, one about sonic having his beliefs challenged. SatBK does this as well, a game which is applauded within the general community as having the most accurate sonic characterization. stories that do adjacent things, like the OVA, s3&k, sa1, where character foils are a prominent part of the theming (though maybe not presented in a way where sonic himself necessarily feels ideologically Challenged), are often very popular as well

the time i saw the criticism was about when the surge saga was coming to an end, but i was new at that point so i really dismissed the whole discussion. sonics allowed to be challenged, thats what happens when you have a static character as a protagonist. but now that ive reread IDW a few times and have identified some of my own issues with the run so far i've been thinking about that reddit comment more often. why is the way IDW challenges sonic so different from the way stories like SatBK or sa2 challenge him? why is one intriguing and the other not "good-spirited?" nowadays i think the issue is less with tone or intent like the wording of the original comment implies, but the conclusion of those stories. all of those previous examples i gave culimate in sonic succeeding, yes bc hes the title character, but moreso bc hes the vehicle through which the themes of the series are delivered. SatBK wasn't going to have merlina win because the story was trying to tell the audience that life is only worth living when its finite. sa2 killed off shadow because it was about how being unable to move on eats someone from the inside out. these are broad overarching themes that are present in the whole series and its generally agreed that sonic at his best is representative of those themes, which is why hes static

but IDW kind of has a messy history with conclusions. or, at least, conclusions that feel like they are trying to Say something in the way i've been talking about. after everything is done and the threat of the week is defeated, it all kind of returns back to a status quo, which im very sure is not the fault of the writers. long-running series are supposed to have a status quo that keeps stuff the same so that new audiences wont be alienated by huge character histories and lore timelines and things to catch up on (The Most Intimidating thing abt like archie for example). its partially why u see almost no fleshed out arcs that span multiple games after 06 (man the word partially is doing some legwork there but if i talked abt why sonic games changed so drastically after the mid 2000's i would be here all fucking day). and there are conversations to be held about that status quo and its place in the games and whether its beneficial or not but imo when talking about IDW, a comic which is supposed to have continuity, it kind of obliterates the potential of having meaningful conclusions and the themes that come along with them. because IDW always approaches "sonic feels ideoloically challenged" and it never goes beyond it. it nudges and hints at criticism of IDW sonic's beliefs, actions, and philosophy, but it doesn't do anything with it. the status quo says sonic can't change that much, which is good when the conclusion of stories have themes that prove he's already got it figured out, and bad when there's a big gaping question mark where a lesson should be. the surge saga i think is the glaring example of this precisely because its so conclusionless (theres also how sonic himself engages with her but thats a convo for another day).

so when that redditor said they thought the surge saga lacked a "good-spiritedness" that stories with a similar concept like SatBK or sa2 had i think they were picking up the vibes of the story being kind of... pointless at least in terms of themes and actual impact on the characters, rather than a lack of earnestness, a tone blunder, or strange intent on the part of the writers

im really curious how the urban warfare saga is resolved now precisely bc this lack of meaningful conclusion problem is so prevalent . depending on how passionate i am i may make a more formal analysis post abt it or something, but probably not considering i read IDW very very casually . which feels like a contradiction after writing all this but . yanno

[wooahaes]

han enemies to lovers ??

ok so i was talking abt this w isa a lot and ive been thinking abt this idea for hours now. camp au where you and han are both camp counselors at a camp you once went to during middle school... and absolutely hated each other then. no one knows what started it, all they know is that u and han are Enemies (who put up w one another for the kids) also i know nothing abt summer camp. play in this sandbox w me-

like. any time ur actually doing ur job? you and jisung get along great... maybe with some slight bickering, but nothing serious. you two play it off well enough that the kids dont catch on and think ur just rly good friends who make playful jabs at each other. theres definitely at least once instance where the two of you are getting heated and chris comes by and both of you are like nope! no problems here! jisung puts an arm around you like haha we are best friends :))) and then you immediately shove him away once chris is gone.

chris has a system in place where the two top counselors of the week get something special for their cabin (and get to take the truck into town for said special thing--sometimes its pizza, sometimes its ice cream, other times its like... special arts n crafts, etc) and literally all of the counselors kinda compete for it so they can get their own shit while they're in town. its usually felix or minho with someone else, and chris eventually sits reader and han down to be like "ok. ur both great w the kids. but i cant give you either of guys top counselor because you fight w each other so often."

which leads to them being on dishwashing duty again and bickering about it bc theyre blaming the other for it. and then you get the idea of "... what if... we just... pretend? i want my snacks and to get my kids origami paper. you want... whatever weird shit you want. chris would just assume we worked through shit." so they end up like. combining group activities for their cabins. switching around so they can be together again.

chris absolutely knows this is a ruse but if it gets them to get along, he'll just watch.

isa mentioned a boat scene where han and reader are in the same boat, watching their campers until they start bickering. it gets heated enough and the boat ends up capsizing, which. apparently han cant really swim? so just imagine reader immediately going to help him calm down since ykno. theyre all wearing life jackets. and the two of you are soaking wet and you get him back to the docks, wrapping a towel around him since the others are out on the lake. idk maybe a lil heart to heart while the two of you are waiting for ur fellow counselors to corral the kids back in.

chris lets u guys win at the end of the week and u both figure out what you wanna do for ur cabins. u settle on having a big ice cream party with all ur kids and teaching them how to make friendship bracelets sometime next week. chris hands the keys to you after he's like "dont. dont crash the car." and its just the two of u getting closer.

maybe... u make each other friendship bracelet? and oh no ur kinda starting to crush on each other.

also full credit to isa but she mentioned something where the kids write each other letters and i think thts cute and its the end of camp when they're writing their final letter to one another. and one of han's kids comes up to hand him one and hes like oh, for me? aw :D and then it turns out that its from reader and the two dont rly talk about it. he just shoves his own letter at them in the dining hall that night before leaving bc dont. dont say anything to him.

and idk. y'all see your kids off before heading back in to pack your own bags and get ready to leave, since ur probs getting a ride from someone else (maybe chris?), and jisung shows up and theres another like. convo abt how they literally hated each other. for like. way too long. and now things have changed between them and jisung asks if maybe they want to go on a date sometime... only for the two of them to kiss as reader says they'd love to.

(in the background someone is paying up bc the moment they overheard 'reader and jisung are going to feign friendship to get counselor of the week', someone else went 'they're gonna be together by the end of summer just u watch' and it became a bet)

[dear-ao3]

montreal! filled with groundhogs, rain, and *checks notes* mercedes not absolutely sucking ???? hm. that wasn't on my bingo board. today is wednesday, june 19, and as long as tumblr lets me continue to update this post, lets get into it.

first of all. on account of the fact that this post is late. like a lot late. and were about to head into a triple header weekend. we are speed running this. as in right now its 11:27pm on 6/18 and i'll be damned if this thing doesnt get posted before i go to bed. (usually i take 3 days to write this). so hop in. hold onto your hats. its gonna be fast.

-the week started off with an absolute bang. what kind of bang? an estie bestie bang:

-kind of unclear whether or not this was at all related to the events of monaco, or if this was in the works for awhile and they just decided to announce it now. either way, weird timing.

-so who will be replacing him? as usual, we have absolutely no idea. alpine have aparently been in talks with both jack doohan and mick schumacher though. jack was also announced (pretty late i might add) that he was going to be driving in practice 1 in Canada. (unfortunately practice 1 ended up being pretty much a shit show but more on that later). mick's name has come up a few times recently as a possibility for a new driver, both at mercedes and at alpine. hes currently the mercedes reserve driver but he races for alpines endurance team (he did le mans this weekend and was serving cunt until the car aparently lit on fire, or so i was told idk i dont really know that much about le mans)

-the next day another announcement was made. by red bull. it said to stay tuned.

-it meant nothing. they re-signed checo for 2 more years.

-jumping away from the sillies of silly season we have the sillies of the week

-oscar, charles and the other lecercs continued to be legends on twitter and keep up the adoption thing:

-oscar also schemed how he was going to make canada his home race as well. i dont think that he succeeded.

-aside from that. valtteri drove a zamboni

-lance did the most canadian thing in the world and did promo with tim hortons

-speaking of strolls, lawrence stroll (lances father and owner of the entirety of aston martin) is aparently unhappy with the teams performance and wants to figure out what they can do better

-they also announced the new car regulations for 2026. theres a lot to unpack there and you can read a condensed version of it here on f1's instagram if you want. or google it. but essentially the cars are getting smaller again and they are getting rid of drs. which is great if youre a woman because now men need to come up with another way to ask women to prove their knowledge about f1 (since they cant ask "what does drs mean?" anymore) (it means drag reduction system ok now get out of my house) or oscar piastri who has been in a toxic relationship with drs for awhile:

-zak brown continued his tradition and finally got the tattoo of the miami circuit to celebrate landos win

-danny rics put maple syrup on his helmet, it was actually kind of a slay. well. a slay to everyone except jacques villeneuve who basically said that non canadians should not touch maple syrup. he had other things to say about danny rics but we will get there later

-oscar also decided to shit on alpine once again at the press conference saying "knowing you can fight for a win is a bit nicer than you know trying to fight for a point" and how did we know this was a dig at alpine? well he apologized to pierre after

-pierre was asked what he thought about esteban as a teammate. it took him a shocking amount of time to come up with an answer

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-moving onto practice 1

-it rained. quite a lot.

-practice got red flagged because of the rain but the clock was still running which meant they were all just kinda sitting in the garages doing basically nothing. kicking their feet actually in the case of mclaren. but it gave people like jacques villeneuve time to shit talk people

-i dont know too much about jacques, he's from canada and was the 1997 world champion. he also looked vaguely like a a backstreet boy and dylan O'Brien when he was driving

-aparently he just says bonkers shit and gets paid to do it. kinda like nico but with less class and more sass. this weekend his main target was danny rics. he said during practice 1 that: “Why is he still in F1?We’re hearing the same thing now for the last four, five years — we have to make it better for him, poor him. It’s been five years of that. Sorry, no, you’re in F1. Maybe you make that effort for Lewis Hamilton, who’s won multiple championships. You don’t make that effort for a driver that can’t cut it. Can’t cut it? Go home, there’s someone else who can take your place.”

-aside from that pile of sass, we also had speculation that kevin magnussen is not going to get resigned after his monaco disaster crash and everything else this season, we had speculation about kimi to merc for the millionth time and more speculation that carlos is either going to williams or audi. stand stuff, fork found in kitchen

-since the red flag for the rain lasted so long, and zhou ended up crashing and causing another red flag, practice where people were on the track was very short and jack doohan who was doing a practice session for alpine, did not get to set a timed lap and only did 2 laps total. he does not get a do over for this practice session.

-also. lando took one of his infamous red flag naps:

-why is this infamous? well because of the original nap that he took during the red flag during spa 2021 and the commentary that crofty said over it (admittedly this was the day after a really big crash that he had but thats neither here nor there, left right nor center):

-the cars that did make it out on track kinda went slip slide everywhere

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-there were also ground hogs. but there are usually ground hogs in canada its part of the charm.

-i didnt watch practice 2 or 3 cause i was busy. but max had at least a few problems:

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-qualifying. another thing that i did not watch. because i was in the middle of nowhere driving through Pennsylvania. so i found out all of this via the family group chat when my cell phone decided to have service.

-it was announced that yuki re-signed with vcarb for 2025. this is great news for yuki who is becoming a hot commodity as a driver and there was even talk that he may get bought out by another team for 2026 if he continues to serve as he is now. this also means liam lawson is running out of options.

-anyway lets get a rundown of the starting positions:

-p20: zhou. no surprise.

-p19: nico. somewhat of a surprise cause he usually gets a little higher than that.

-p18: Esteban. normal. he also had a 5 place grid penalty from monaco.

-p17: valtteri. also normal.

-p16: checo. second week in a row that he was out in q1. and right after they announced that he was re-signed at red bull. it seems that history is repeating itself here with him. i wonder if he gave us a proper disaster class during the race.

-p15. pierre. again normal

-p14. k mags. mhm normal

-p13. LOGAN HUNTER SARGEANT. for the first time this year he made it through to q2 hot diggity dog! he has still not out qualified his teammate alex albon but he has out qualified checo 6 times in his career in f1 (which i believe is 30 races)

p12. carlos. ariana what are you doing here. it would seem the ferrari disaster is back.

p11. charles. thats right both ferraris were out in q2. utterly insane. seems the monaco bad luck caught up a week late. ollie bearman's live reaction was insane

-p10. alex. a williams slay. second q3 appearance of the year

-p9. lance. standard.

-p8. yuki. happy to see him in q3 but i think everyone was expecting for him to be a little higher.

-p7. lewis. disappointing after having p1 in practice 3 but unfortunately average for him this year.

-p6. fernando. nice good.

-p5. daniel. really stuck it to jacques telling him that he should retire with that one. he later said “I still don’t know what he said, but I heard he’s been talking shit but he always does. I think he’s hit his head a few too many times, I don’t know if he plays ice hockey or something.”

-p4. oscar. good.

-p3. lando. good.

-p2. max. hey wait a second...?

-p1. george russell??? ariana what are you DOING HERE????

-the wildest part of this was that max and george actually tied for pole position, but george got it because he set the lap time first. but! was this to be the start of merc getting their shit together? had they finally done it???!! i dont know! but george did bring back the 2023 f1 intro pose which everyone memed to hell and did on top of his car:

-onto the race

-first oscar had funny commentary about the driver's parade

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-and then they all lined up. lights out. away we fucking go.

-it was a wet start to the race. and stake was starting from the pit lane for some reason or other i dont remember why. both haas cars were starting on full wet tires (more treads) and everyone else was on intermediate tires (less treads but wear better)

-"oh canada!" crofty said. "what do you have in store for us today!" sheer chaos. that was what was in store.

-haas managed to slay. like an absolutely inordinate amount. like on lap 5 k mags was running in 4th (up from 14th) and had the fastest lap and i think nico made it up to 9th, possibly higher. reguardless the wet tires were working for them. you can see how much kevin was slaying here:

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-ferrari was doing the exact opposite of haas. as in they were not slaying. almost immediately charles had some kind of engine problem that did not want to resolve itself.

-by lap four charles was already asking if everything was okay with the engine. it was not. but he was told to keep pushing anyway.

-by lap 7 he asked "how much am i loosing on the straights" "quite a bit" "i dont want this answer when i am asking please tell me" "half a second"

-it was the beginning of the return of the ferrari school of clownery.

-all the while george was leading. and he kept leading until lap 21 when he was passed by lando

-wait by lando

-when did he get into p2

-wait a minute

-oh i see

-lando max and george had been involved in a close battle, all trading fastest lap back and forth to eachother for several laps. lando managed to get past max on lap 20, which was greatly helped by the fact that there was no drs until lap 18 because of the rain.

-sorry guys its 1:10am

-so lando passes george, then max passes george. on lap 22

-by lap 23 lando had managed to get 4.5 seconds ahead of max. which was very good news.

-what was not good news was that it was going to start raining again and everyone on intermediate tires was about to get fucked. which was literally everyone.

-they were just talking about the tire strategy and how much time people were going to lose pitting and hm well it would only be half of that if there was only a safety car!

-and poof! just like magic! a safety car appeared!

-shape of a williams form of logan sargeant on lap 25! i think he tapped into a wall. he was out. the first DNF but definitely not the last.

-everyone pitted. except for lando who pitted later. this would probably come back to bite him later

-lando came out in third behind max and george.

-"what goes around comes around" said gp, max's race engineer. "that's miami back."

-the safety car ended on lap 29.

-charles came into the pits on lap 29 to resolve the engine problem, hopefully. and if you can count on ferrari for one thing its to have a fuck ass tire strategy. so not only did they not fix charles's engine problem, they also decided to put him on hard tires. on a wet track. hard tires are not wet tires. what the hell is going on in the house of commons.

-and then, on lap 32 alex albon made up for the ferrari fuckery by having the most beautiful overtake known to man. a double overtake. on danny rics and esteban ocon. he is in the blue car that goes through the middle. please just watch it.

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-meanwhile, back at the clown factory, ferrari seemed to realize that they had made a tire strategy mistake and pitted charles for intermediaries on lap 33. he also was getting lapped by max on lap 33. yes. charles was running in dead last.

-as the track started to dry, people started to slide around in their intermediate tires, so people started to come into the pits.

-including charles. who pitted on lap 43 to retire his car. he even cheered when they told him they were retiring the car. prior to his retirement charles had expressed his desire to just stop because they were loosing so much time to everyone else. charles later said that "it was hell from the beginning to the end" after the race his press officer tried to coach him on what to say and he told her "ill say what i want" pr menace charles is back

-everyone started to come in for slicks (not wet tires) (not the omegaverse thing) except for lando who stayed out to build a huge gap to max (lando was running in front after max pitted) to hopefully get a free pit stop and still come out ahead of max. and he almost did it. but it didnt work. max passed him.

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-george had caught up with lando and ma as well and now he and george were battling for second. george passed lando on lap 50 for second but he ran wide on lap 51 and lando passed him back.

-a wild toto wolff appeared on george's radio at this moment, sounding a bit like darth vader and telling him to "focus george focus."

-at this time checo decided to continue his disaster class in How Not To Act After You Get A Contract Extension by ramming his rear wing into the wall and then driving back onto the track, littering debris everywhere, because red bull did not want to cause a safety car which would have compromised max's lead. he pulled into the pits and retired. cars are not supposed to drive looking like this

-checo got a 3 place grid penalty for the spanish gp because of this and i believe the team also go a fine.

-also jokes on them because literally on the next lap there was a safety car anyway because of a crash between alex and carlos because carlos spun and ended up taking out alex. both of them retired. thats now five DNFs if youre keeping count

-all that and it might rain again

-lewis pitted for hard tires. this was the start of some merc controversy because later lewis claimed that he did not know that george had been put on mediums and had he known that george had been put on medium he would not have taken the stop for hards.

-the safety car ended with max in front, then lando, oscar and george all practically on top of eachother.

-oscar was given the option to go past lando and try to take the lead from max on lap 63. he did not take it and stayed where he was.

-on the next lap oscar had some contact with george after loosing drs from lando and lewis passed george, taking 4th spot.

-now pay close attention here

-lewis then passed oscar for third on lap 66

-the first time all season he was in the podium spot

-george passed oscar on lap 67 for fourth

-there was a brief yellow flag on lap 67 where yuki spun onto the grass and barely missed getting slammed into by a haas. there were aparently debris on track and lando was begging for a safety car

-george then passed lewis for third on lap 69

-gasly also passed ocon on lap 69, which ocon didnt want to have happen, but he was given team orders. he did eventually concede and let pierre through to try and fight daniel. pierre was not able to and the team did not have the cars swap back. esteban was not happy with this, saying over the radio after the race that "i am too nice, too nice! ive done what i had to do but you yuys didnt do what you had to do" most of his anger was probably because they were both in points positions and since they didnt swap the cars back, pierre got more points than esteban did that Esteban thought that he didnt deserve

-and so, thus the race came to an end.

-max won, followed by lando, george, lewis, oscar, alonso, lance, daniel, pierre, esteban, nico, kevin, valtteri, yuki and zhou.

-max said he had fun, lando said it was chaos, and george said it felt like a missed opportunity. lewis said absolutely nothing about it after pulling up to parc ferme in his car. absolutely brutal to get passed by your teammate on the last lap though.

-mercedes was not done with the weird decisions though

-they tweeted this after the race

-which is odd because you might be remembering that lewis came second in the chinese gp sprint race and did in fact bring home a plaque from that. well. you wouldn't be the only one to remember that because practically every merc fan brought that up, so much that merc had to make a public correction

-this has sparked the opinions that. hm. perhaps lewis is getting fucked over by merc. because how do you forget a whole second place when your car was in fact a shit box at that time???

-aside from that they did actually include landos champagne pop on tv this time. and it was the first time he and george were on the podium together since f2 in 2018

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-so. more silly season speculating.

-carlos aparently has been reportedly offered a four year contract from williams. carlos also has said that aparently every team that has not re signed their drivers yet has offered him something, but he is still unemployed. his contract might be announced next week at his home race

-esetban ocon may go to haas

-merc seems like they want to sign kimi and probably for next year though people think that that might be a bad idea because Yes max verstappen was signed to toro rosso at 17, but that was a junior team to red bull and carlos sainz was his teammate and he was also a rookie. kimi would be jumping into mercedes which is a top 4 team and have george as his teammate who will have been in f1 for 7 years and also be replacing a 7 time world champion. max replaced daniil kyvat. who (sorry) is significantly less well known than sir lewis hamilton. so he could crash and burn

-reguardless, the fia changed the rules so that drivers can get their super license for f1 at age 17, previously it was 18.

-ollie bearman is expected to go to haas

-adrian newey is rumored to have signed with ferrari. fork found in kitchen,

-gunther steiner, the disgraced ex haas team principal, shit on checo (from the monaco week) saying that "you sign a 2 year contract, you qualify 18th and then you crash trying to go from 17th to 16th" thats probably not an exact quote but its pretty close.

-jos verstappen is convinced that red bulls period of dominance is ending, aparently.

-and when asked why mclaren has better form than red bull max said "mclaren have two cars!" scoring points

-lance stroll squashed rumors about alonso being better than him in the funniest way possible by saying that "people say he is super good, and i beat him in the last few weekends. so take it as you want."

-lewis hamilton invited mary mcgee, the first american woman to race motorcycles, as his guest for canada.

-i also forgot to include from last week but lewis was on hot ones and he bashed the mercedes car live on air. its a good one.

-and for the government regulated mclaren update. what are they up to. uh. this.

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thats that! as i said. we've got a triple header coming up, spain, Austria and Britain. and things are already happening. next update will be better. its 2:27am. not bad for three hours, lol. see you all next time.

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[trendfag]

holy shit i need to get my shit together

[kaineillian]

wait, you write for male readers AND for bsd???? I'm literally in tears, it's been a long time since I saw a blog like this :')

can i request a tall male reader x ranpo one-shot and make it suggestive?? I don't know about the plot, I just ask for anything with ranpo :] ty!!

YES MY FIRST REQUEST! your wish is my command (˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)

Genre : Suggestive.

(Sorry about the grammatical errors ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ)

TALL MALE READER X EDOGAWA RANPO.

- 3rd Person Point of View.

"Woaahhhhh! You're Ranpo-san's Boyfriend! " Kenji gleamed looking up the tall man , (Male name) chuckled nodding his head "Yes, i am ranpo's boyfriend. Its finally nice to meet you all".

All of the ADA members smiled looking up the tall man, their neck is starting to hurt.

Let me give you a short recap.

Ranpo gathered all of them inside the office saying he has something to show them. And that 'something' was someone and that someone is (Male name) Ranpo's boyfriend. They all stood in awe about the mans height. Like dude, he is 7 feet tall. Is he not a basketball player or something?

"How tall are you (Male Name) -san? " Atsushi asked "He is probably 7 foot, correct? " Kunikida said scribbling on his book, possibly about (Male name). "Yep kunikida-kun is right. Im 7 feet tall! " He smiled looking down at the gremlins.

"7 feet and supper strong we always get along~" Dazai sang 'that' song and then kunikida smacked him "Shut it bastard! We're going to get copyright! " As the two argued everyone took turns on questioning the TALL man.

After a few hours of chatting and hanging out they ordered Bear Express with (Male name) paying because he wants to be a gentleman, and oh yes he is.

"Wow! There's so many food! And theres Tea Chuzake too! Thank you so much (Male name)-san! " Jinko grabbed the tea Chuzake gobbling them down. "You have our gratitude. " The dirty blonde hair man nodded already setting his eyes on the seared tataki bonito. "Your welcome! Now, lets dig in! "

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ITADAKIMASU!

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"Oh man.. Im stuffed" Said the tiger male.

"Yeah me too... I think im not gonna eat for two days.. " Said the suicidal male.

"I think my stomach is about to explode... " Said the glasses male.

(Ok stop with the 'said'. )

"I didn't even notice that its already night" Yosano look outside to see the bright moon and stars. Kenji joined her; volunteering that they should go star grazing. All of them agreed and head to the rooftop.

Yosano and kenji raced up to the stairs with kunikida and fukuzawa following them.Tanizaki and naomi waited for dazai and Atsushi to follow them but they went up ahead anyway. Atsushi was about to go in the elevator but dazai pulled his arm whispering something to him which made him blush. Atsushi looked at (Male name) and ranpo who were waiting for him to come inside but atsushi made a gesture of them going alone together the two nodded and hit the button that'll lead them up the rooftop. Dazai sent a smirk at ranpo waving them bye before the elevator closed.

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CLACK!

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"What the—" "Did the elevator just stopped?"

(Male name) hitted the button multiple times but the elevator didn't seem to budge. "Andddd it looks were going to be stuck here... Do you have your phone with you, sweets? " Ranpo shook his head no earning a sigh from the tall male.

"Well, lets hope that they'll notice us missing for some time and get us out of here. "Poor (Male name) had to crouch down because of his height, he was too tall for his own sake.

"This is going to be a boring wait... " He mumbled .

"So you're saying that im boring? " Ranpo joked sitting himself on the man's lap "Of course not" He chuckled pecking the detective.

A moment of silence.....

"Well this is getting boring. Lets do something while we wait" Ranpo looked at the his boyfriend "Sweets, we can move around here. Im taking all of the space" Lol thats what you get for being too tall. "Mmmmm.... " Ranpo seductively smirked leaning towards him "are you sure you don't want to play with me...? " he whispered on his ear.

And oh boy. Big junior down there is rising up.

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Ahhh~!

W-wait! To—too roughh~!

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Ding!

"What took you both so long? " Kunikida adjusted his glasses "Are you two alright? You guys look disheveled. " Tanizaki asked looking at the two male breathing heavily. (Male name) adjusted his necktie while ranpo nodded at them fixing his cape.

Dazai Snickers on the background and poor atsushi looking like his face is about to turn like a tomato.

They all sat back down enjoying the stars. (Male name) sat with fukuzawa engaging a conversation successfully and ranpo sat down with dazai and atsushi.

"You planned this. "

"Yes i did. "

"I am so sorry...dazai-san made me do it..."

Panning the camera about awhile ago. We see dazai messing with the elevator with a devilish smile and atsushi looking away from the CCTV footage from the elevator.

[nuctua-larc]

GAHHH I LOVE ALL OF THIS THANK YOU!!!! I wasn't TOO surprised about all the davejade hate mostly because girl in the way of gay ship is a cardinal sin(apparently??) and the epilogues did NOT help matters. Plus theres all the Jade plot being shoved to the side in canon on top of fandoms general idea that bi characters can say theyre bi but if they express attraction to the opposite gender theyre no longer?? Bi?? idk about all of it but the point is I was SO glad to see a fellow davejade shipper,, our community is small but mighty.

Anyways all that to be said Im gonna try to give this the same amount of effort!(still so happy seeing this giant ass response to my ask like!!! i win. ive won) Also...This is not going to be near as comprehensible as yours is the tagents are immense, just a warning.

1. Frog breeding

Ok first off I gotta say that I love the flower breeding analogy going on here it really does help put the genesis frog mission into perspective!!

Its definitely... very odd how they didnt really elaborate on anything that happened with that mission. Honestly during my first readthrough I didnt see ANY of it. And this was mostly because I read the entire comic in one sitting and at that point was a little tired and didnt realize I was supposed to click on the pictures, plus I just didn't notice the banner(which I typically still dont, and have to go back everytime I get to it). I think a big issue the webcomic has for me is that while it is rather long it tends to put the focus on the wrong things.

We've got things explained through sprite prototyping, the sylladex, and moduses. A lot of the games mechanics are explained in an insane amount of detail, and yet, one of the most important aspects of the game(quests, genesis frog). I mean, Rose doesn't even get to look into the quest at all. Unlike most forms of media Homestuck doesn't any sort of time limit--no season deal, chapter limit, nothing tying it to being a certain length. Thats why its able to have extended wacky hijinks! And while I do appreciate the slow silly parts, or at least, I know that the parts I find boring someone appreciates, theres also a lot of unutilized space for them to actually SHOW us the important parts they left out. And yes, Im saying homestuck shouldve been longer. This is the hill I will die on.

Anyways, all that being said the whole idea of Dave constantly groundhog day-ing the game, reliving the same hour or minute over and over to make the game successful is just... SUCH an interesting concept. Not to point out the sollux parallels but pulling double-duty is something of a theme with him.

The day itself is a constant. The trolls pester them at the same times no matter what, John goes off on his own to godtier, Rose destroys her planet and goes grimdark, and Jade works to create the new universe. People die when they have to, they do what they have to, and he can't do anything more than preserve the best course of action. Even if that means Jade has to kill the first person she's seen since she was four, even if that means He can't hug her before she has to do it. Again the CONCEPT is wonderful, and we hear other characters tell us about it, with karkat mentioning her freakout and dave mentioning how he didn't want to upset her, but we're never SHOWN it.

Number one priority in a hypothetical alt comic, let these touch starved kids hug

2. Davejade vs Jack

If I'm being honest here, the dynamic with Jack Noir and these two is just...so underutilized. They had Jade fight the two superdogs in the finale. Well...fight as a loose term here, in all honesty she flew around for a bit before getting punched into the ground, but in general while all the beta kids have a connection, narratively Jade and Dave have the biggest to me. For jade theres the obvious connection with Bec, all three are tied via the first gaurdian, abilities and care for one another, and I do genuinely like the weakness they gave Jack in that he just. Cant hurt her. Dave's connection is through Jade, with their first fight in the banner and my personal favorite fight sequence with him defending her in the game over timeline.

It just...felt like these two things were introduced, the idea that every time they meet he dies, the whole self sacrificial situation he keeps putting himself in and the tragedy of hypothetical survivors guilt even if hes still alive. One of many plot points introduced with no real conclusion because they never really TALK about it. Personally I would've loved to see her genuinely fight Jack. Maybe she teams up with Peregrine against Jack or maybe she just kicks ass on her own idk. Let her get revenge!! Or maybe even...idk....show the freakout after he dies? You know? Because if something big happens that has a heavy effect on one of your main characters you should...show it?

3. Grimbark

I'm not gonna lie...grimbark makes no sense to me. Grimdark in general makes no sense to me, especially in the context of Jade versus Rose. With Rose, it was the overtaking of a great darkness, a loss in humanity and a sole focus on rage and destruction powered by grief. While she'd been destroying the game prior to this, slowly allowing herself to succumb to the horrorterrors in a misguided effort of finding information, the death of her mother causes the big switch in her completely abandoning restraint and forethought.

It manifests in her being unable to speak, at least in that of any human language. She's angry and focused on nothing else but her revenge against Jack, a decision that leads to her demise.

In contrast to hers Jade is perfectly capable of speech, her 'switch' is triggered by the Condencse without any emotional reason(which is a small gripe, I'm fine with the mind control situation. However it would've been a little nice if there had been a prior snap moment for her that allowed for the grimbark thing to happen). She too acts violently without speaking, in this case to serve the Condensce's will. However I think the issue here is that unlike Jane's robo-mind control, grimdark never really felt completely divorced from the character. Jade in her grimbark form is just...so fundamentally different from Jade that I can't even imagine a scenario in which she would be pushed to act like that.

Personally I would've enjoyed a more emotional shutdown situation. Witches and Seers are(not sure if canon or not but in general) very opposite classes. Witches are a class that takes action while Seers are the ones to plan. So for Jade instead of a one track mind of grief induced rage, maybe it's cold calculation, brought on by constant isolation. Jade's been through a lot, and even in the game over timeline where Davesprite is there and John's alive she still seems...lonely.

And during the game over plotline I kind of would've liked to see Jade successfully get revived! First off because for a proper retcon where each group has its own issues leading up to the final battle, having all three perspectives present(Terezi for the meteor, Roxy for the alphas, Jade for the ship, and then John going through with all the plans) would be helpful...I also just want some sort of reaction to his death. It's the second time it's happened and maybe then we'd have an opportunity to *see* how that had hurt her the first time. Eventually I wanna write out an alt game over situation...give this girl sme FOCUS! she deserves it!

4. Music!!

[cracks knuckles] ok. so I actually have a lot of thoughts on this. First off, that post has been living in my mind, cat rotating in microwave style for a hot minute(btw seeing you reblog my tags,,, I keep winning >:000!!!). Second off music theory and music in general is a bit of an obsession of mine so imma elaborate way more than is really necessary.

Their band name is SpaceTime Continuum. The opportunity is right there, how can you NOT. I absolutely love the idea of lead vocals\woodwinds jade and the robots being bass and guitar respectively. And I said this before but Dave is so percussion to me. That man is BUILT for the drums let him POP OFF!!

But also I love the idea that like...during the three year timeskip they both react to the boredom by learning new instruments. And then they meet up after everythings said and done and they're like wait..we both ended up learning instruments that compliment each other really well. So like, Dave picks up the drums of course, and a bunch of other percussion based instruments, but then it'd also be fun if he like...picked up the trombone or something. He seems like a brass guy to me. Also...lowkey seems like an acoustic guy to me. Like he's chords/fingerpicking on acoustic to Jade's melodies and badass solos on electric! And the further complimenting going on in that she's a bass player that matches well with percussion(linking song here as an example to the fuckery they could do here)

And then more with woodwinds and brass matching well together like they naturally gravitate towards things that compliment!! Also vocally I like the idea of duets, her taking the lead vocally while Dave does harmonies. As far as general sound SOLELY for vocals not so much for vibes the Civil Wars comes to mind(dave cannot escape the country vibes).

And the time player powers can and SHOULD be exploited for the sake of harmonies the possibilities are endless here.

When it comes to character arcs them being in a band would be good for them…they both have a love for making music, sure, but also it would give Jade the connection she’s never been able to have before. For me there’s not greater connection to someone than to jam out on some musical collaboration. My best friendships are made through people who I sing with. Then for dave, being raised for the express purpose of battle, being able to completely divorce from that and do something thats just…fun, that doesn’t serve any greater purpose. It’d be!! So good!

OK OK SO!!

First off!!! Hello fellow davejade enjoyer i see you. Second off—what sort of things do you wish you could’ve seen with these two in canon :0. Could be expansion on canon scene, arc direction, or just a new scene entirely. for me personally I would’ve loved to see some genuine fighting collaboration going on. I felt VERY teased with all the magic combo’s in collide.

Third! I know they do a lot of music collaboration in canon, and I’ve seen some things with them making a band together post canon. What sort of sound do you think they’d have/what artist do you think they’d sound like?

Thank you :))

okay god theres so much i wish was expanded on in canon with regard to dave and jade

this post is swan dive into homestuck meta and took me over a day to write. so i would appreciate feedback or discussion on this if you'd like, reblogs appreciated!

despite this question being posed as davejade related, my answers here are actually relevant for anyone interested in homestuck meta as well.

it’s just recently come to my attention that there are a a handful of people on twitter who are vocal davejade dislikers. i didnt know it was actually disliked until i looked it up on twitter, i honestly thought it was a joke blown out of proportion but no they exist! it surprised me a lot to see people think they "lack chemistry". not only because knowing what i know about them thats a ridiculous insinuation, but also i haven't seen the vitriol on tumblr. probably because we can actually poast about it on here in an unabridged manner which thus enables better, deeper critical analysis and engagement with the media. i think also people forget that dave strider is canonically bisexual and are too yaoipilled + facing the consequences of the epilogues to even give davejade a serious look/analysis. (dave dates terezi and karkat in separate timelines, thinks jane is hot, thinks roxy is a babe but shoves it down when he discovers she’s his ectomom lmfao. davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dated jade! but i'm going to cover that in more depth in this post since theres a lot of misunderstandings about the nature of that relationship in fanon.)

(as a side note according to what some people have told me in inbox and what ive seen lol i think that ive been inadvertently been getting people into davejade. it's all in my davejade tag here in chronological order if you'd like to get a Whiff. be sure to read the tags on posts in there too!)

even though theres a lot in this post as it is, it doesn't cover everything ive talked about wrt davejade, and i think it would benefit readers to have complementary posts alongside this for the full picture with stuff it doesn't cover. there's a ton about why theyre cute and why i think they work well together in that tag.

here's some highlight analysis posts, but be sure to check the tag because there's a more in there:

post a / post b / post c / post d / post e / post f (← one of my favorite ask responses ive ever gotten)

i think a huge chunk of the issue has to do with how the narrative handles dave and jade. one of the most damning things to me is how glossed over their canon interactions were in act 5 despite them collaborating on one of the most important things in the story. i haven't talked about this yet but i'm going to do so here. because they’re put on the backburner by the focus of the narrative during act 5, people who don’t read carefully will miss the implications that are there all along in canon but easily passed over.

under the cut ive separated it into multiple parts

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

this is an analysis examining apart exactly what jade and dave did while frog breeding. i wrote it while high which was extremely enlightening and it allowed me to comprehend it and hopefully explain it in an understandable way. i also discuss how shitty the lack of on-screen communication between jade and dave was for this part and the next.

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

ive discussed this one before on my blog so it's not as dense (see davejade tag). but i still sewed the gifs together and discuss how unfortunate this was to be be delegated to a banner at the top of mspa and the neglect of that whole arc despite the outcomes of it being reissued by characters thousands of pages later

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

i get into davesprite's head here and try to make his motivations about the breakup clear to the extent that i can infer because jesus fuck i love these characters way too much ive known them for a decade i understand their core personality structures and why they think what they do and what is most likely to happen when extrapolating. not to toot my own horn btw .. but what im saying is i am confident in my interpretation based on canon. i also talk about how grimbark jade changed the way the fandom perceives their relationship, leaving davejade on a low note instead of a high note. and then hs epilogues had even worse consequences for davejade but i wont get into it because it was character assassination all around and doesnt deserve my time or yours. but if you wanna know what i think, here

4. The music question

where actually answer this ask like it's an ask and not an essay

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

i wish we could have seen what collecting frogs entailed for the two of them. what exactly were they doing? jade’s quest is one of the most interesting.

before i start i want to take a tangent and say the frog breeding reminds me of back in 2020-2021 when i would breed hybrid flowers in animal crossing new horizons to get a very specific gene sequence for these flowers to not only use to breed for hybrids, but to get known gene sequences that i could use to “check” the genes of other flowers. the goal is to get two parent flowers whose sequences when bred would make a specific phenotype 100% of the time.

this sounds complicated but here’s what i did for the lilies:

(“rare island” refers to one of the first acnh patches that removed a nook miles island from the pool that had hybrid versions of your native flower of very specific phenotypes for each color. i wrote out the breeding chains to get parents that would always breed that exact flower found on the rare hybrid nmt island that is no longer available.)

the cleanup ALL TO GET the white 2-2-2 lily looked like this. and after i got white 2-2-2 lily it was smooth sailing

after all that i could use the orange 2-2-0 lilies and white 2-2-2 lilies made in the black lily process and get rare island orange 2-2-1 lilies 100% of the time. in mendelian genetics these numbers (2-2-1) are quite literally RR-YY-Ww.

RR-YY-ww (orange) x RR-YY-WW (white) = RR-YY-Ww (orange: heterozygous Ww gene)

and all that effort into getting white 2-2-2 lilies enables me to get it over and over again now. i don’t have to repeat that process to get rare island pink lilies. all i need to do for the pink 2-0-2 lilies is breed two default bag red lilies (2-0-1) together. 50% will be red (2-0-1) lilies, 25% will be black 2-0-0 lilies, and the last 25% will be pink (2-0-2) lilies.

anyway sorry back to the main point. FROG BREEDING. it just reminded me of it. now that i think of it the frog breeding process also reminds me a lot of artbreeder back from when AI was only a fun little toy 4-5 years ago

ok so have a look at what kanaya says about what jade must do. this is the coolest quest imo because of how it progresses and how long it actually is

here’s how it works. remember back in act 2, when the wayward vagabond needed to tie a longer cable to descend down the ship (and refused to give up the ones that made up his mayoral sash)? he used the appearifier in the ship to appearify the extra cable across the gap to his location? that’s how the appearifier normally works when when it’s locked to the present. it’s very straightforward.

when jade appearifies a frozen frog, it shows us this exact thing. she appearified the actual frog itself (the same way WV appearified the actual cable across the gap) to her exact location. it can get the frog out of the ice in the way WV could untrap serenity from the amber. if something’s destiny wouldn’t otherwise be changed, it will not be paradoxified, it will just simply itself be warped to that location, with precise carving if it is somehow trapped inside of something else.

if you could appearify it to your location right now, you wouldnt be able to take it out the appearifier’s crosshairs in person later to alter its destiny because the object won’t be there at that time. it wouldve been with you the entire time. unless you decide to take the appearified item back to that location so that you could appearify it in the past, but that’s the most pointless time loop ever and doesn’t change its destiny.

for this icicle frog jade and dave weren’t capable of changing its destiny anyway, because it was completely encased in ice, and just didn’t bother to go after it. partially because it was with jade at the appearifier the entire time anyway and she can’t exactly put it back in there in the future. the point is, besides jade appearifying it to her location, the frog had no other possible routes of destiny. in that part of lofaf where she appearified the frozen frog from, the ice is too deep to get anything out of it (other than appearifying it) and i’m not sure the forge would have melted it in time before their reckoning ended anyway.

the goal of jade and dave is to target frogs on the appearifier screen and trust that their future selves follow through in altering the frog’s destiny. if so, then the frog’s paradox slime will appear instead and its genes would be collected in addition to creating offspring between multiple paradox clone frog genes. then, dave and jade would necessarily have to go out adventuring and find the frog so that they end up following through for their past selves.

if i understand correctly, jade is creating all the frogs on her planet that grow up with manually modified genes. these frogs must be genetically altered from their parents so that the frogs she creates don’t grow up to become one of their parents (as they’d be identical). the mutant offspring frogs “generation A” she ectobiologizes will eventually mature from tadpoles to frogs, assisted by dave’s time travel. then she will eventually target “generation A” with the appearifier to get their paradox slime to fuse with some other frogs’ paradox slime and create new slightly altered frogs “generation B” (and then follow through on altering the “generation A” frogs’ destiny so their slime and genes can be paradoxified by jade and dave’s past selves). repeat until the genes are fine tuned for the genesis frog.

this is why i compared it to my breeding in animal crossing. getting the genesis frog reminds me of the blue rose paths. i worked with the garden council back in the day and i used backwardsN’s “cesspool” method, except i honestly gotta say my white 2-2-2 lily thing was much more involved and carefully maneuvered in a way that i imagine frog breeding is more like. backwardsN’s “genepool method” was basically making a red-orange-black rose primordial soup and waiting for a blue rose to emerge out of it, just increasing the chances seeing a blue rose sprout the next day after watering with each generation of offspring. you KNOW my ass was using time travel, even if i happened to get lucky and got a blue rose without even finishing the big turtle plot. without time travel, most players (95%) will get their first blue rose before these # of days. (open up advanced tag)

there must be so many daves running around to help her going back in time all within the span of a few hours while still having their own linear, older timelines that are much longer than the “time stage” they’re actually functioning in. this sounds complicated but it’s not. think of this “time stage” as analogous to the 3 days until the moon falls in majoras mask. it’s the “time window” all the time travel takes place within, but link doesn’t become a day younger when he travels to a day ago. the timeline of his “self” is older but is kept within the confines of the 3-day timeframe. similarly, in tears of the kingdom, two master swords exist simultaneously for most of history, but the one on the light dragon’s head (who was above the cloud barrier before the upheaval btw) is further ahead on its own linear timeline: it starts as the other, pre-gloomed master sword → broken by gloom → sent to the past to be repaired → renewed over time, existing at the same time on the “time stage” as its own pre-gloomed past self but ahead on its own linear timeline

now imagine this but within the “time stage” of just a few hours on 4/13/2009. kanaya says frog breeding ordinarily takes weeks. multiple daves can exist simultaneously because they’re operating in the same few-hour-timeframe but one can linearly be days ahead of another. it’s the exact same thing as breeding flowers in animal crossing for irl days but to your game it’s whatever date you have it set to. your irl progress isn’t lost if you go back a few days in settings. i’d often find a week in june to use as a “time stage” to loop through when it would rain at least one hour on each day of that week which would save me the hassle of watering my flowers every day before time traveling to the next.

it must’ve sucked for dave to hear jade say the same things over and over again. the novelty probably wore off pretty fast lol…… dave says he saw his future self fighting and dying to jack and knew that’s what he’d eventually have to do as well. every single dave at all points of his linear timeline understood that and it probably settled something horrible into his heart.

im imagining during the original run dave was thinking to himself: “im bored but cant alter anything about this without creating a doomed timeline. if i dont see my future self hugging jade then i cant hug her even though i really fuckin want to. note to future self: hug jade. aww shit look at me go guess i remembered. hell fucking yes cant wait for that to be me in a few hours” and gives a thumbs up

future dave pov, hugging jade and watching his past self give him a thumbs up from afar thinking to himself: “ahaha i remember exactly what i was thinking there” and gives a thumbs up

but anyway. goddamn. JADE AND DAVE. what did hussie do to you.

this is a goddamn atrocity.. what the hell man. i wish we could have at LEAST seen the text file jade sent to kanaya. we got to see ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt but not daveisafunnyguy.txt?

i mean i GUESS the humor is delivered through this

and like, yeah that is pretty funny? but i feel like the single laugh this gives me is nothing compared to the joy i wouldve gotten out of seeing what dave has to say about the cloning apparatus for ants here and talking himself into circles about frog procreation enough to make not just gigglehouse jade laugh, but kanaya too

we spent so much time learning about the mechanics of the punch designix and hardly anything about creating the seed of the actual new universe. we learn about it through kanaya and karkat messaging jade, instead of dave and jade working that out through SHENANIGANS. even though this is JADE AND DAVE'S session. it’s fine that kanaya is helping them, as she should, but we’ve seen parallel pesterlog conversations before so i dont get why we didn’t get that here! jade and dave frog breeding is one of the most important events in homestuck, and yet it was terribly glossed over. everything in the story, their futures, are predicated on their success. not just in their unwinnable session, but the one they split up for 3 years and escape to.

at first i thought, maybe their lack of shown interaction has to do with hussie working out the intricacies of pesterlog/dialogue thing? as he once stated on tumblr:

shoshaumbay asked: In the intermission of act 6, it says that they get to talk. Does this mean that their guardians couldn’t talk to them before and that is why they left them notes all around their houses?  The achievement badge only upgraded their ability to speak to each other as presented through the comic. I.e. it permitted them to speak to each other… WHILE WE WATCH! Do you think all the trolls were hanging out together, not talking at all? Or Dave and Jade were doing all that frog hunting without a single peep?? That’s ridiculous. On the other hand, abstraction weaves itself through the Homestuck reality, and it can be hard to pin down where abstraction is to be taken literally. The truth is, there is not much distinction between the layers of abstraction and the reality they are meant to stand for. John was both literally named on his 13th birthday, and not quite, because that’s silly. The guardians are both literally silent automatons, and not really, as there is indication through allusion they function as normal people too. And the kids went through a huge adventure, achieved immortal god status, and even then had to gain a few more levels just to gain the achievement of simple dialogue as a literal upgrade, as well as not literally, because that makes no sense. The reality is inseparable from the way the story is presented and the way the “game” is played. But those abstractions are also a facade for a more life-like reality beneath it as well.

then i realized, this is not only an arbitrary cop out that affects my enjoyment of the comic in retrospect because they wind up being able to talk later anyway and that makes me feel cheated in these moments, but also still actually awful within these parameters because hussie breaks his own rule here, proving he could have shown us dave and jade talking in person at any time regardless of needing the gift of gab achievement for us to watch them as readers. recall this is also the first time john and rose met in person (at least when rose wasn't asleep):

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

this is where i take out my frustration over this being delegated to a banner at the top to the point where readers forgot it occurred.

i wish their time on lofaf frog breeding and fighting with jack was front and center and wasnt just in the banner at the top of the page. it makes it seem not as important when it completely was, considering that characters brought up what had happened in that scene multiple times.

it is significant because it is at that point that jack noir has killed all of the kids at least once. the only one left being jade who he refuses to kill due to bec’s loyalty

THIS IS WHAT THE REFRANCE (foreshadowing)

jack noir killed john on his quest bed which allowed him to ascend to god tier. then he killed john AGAIN but it wasn’t a heroic or just death so john was revived

jack killed grimdark rose. john smooched rose’s corpse, allowing her to take over on derse.

jack killed dave by redirecting jade’s bullets into dave’s body instead. jade smooched dave’s corpse, allowing him to take over on derse.

after jade shoots him through jack, he’s down for the count. she kisses him and he wakes up on derse; all he and rose have left of “themselves” in an existential sense are their dreamselves. they didnt know they were going to ascend to god tier delivering the tumor. they assumed they were just going to die like for real and not come back which is why dave went with rose since he didnt want her to die alone.

it was also an important point since her time spent with dave on lofaf is the first in-person contact jade has had with another living human since she was probably 4 years old with her grandpa.

for jack noir, we got [s] seer: desend and [S] ==> (3696) which were hella impactful. seeing jade and dave essentially go through the same thing but with an extended battle sequence honestly kinda warrants a flash in my mind. (the sad thing is that unite synchronization was originally written with those pages in mind (the track was originally called redshift) but of course malcolm brown couldnt have known what was going to happen unless hussie commissioned him for a specific track for a specific story beat, probably like whatever he did to coordinate cascade’s music with toby ahead of the 10/25/11 release of the flash and publication of volume 8 on bandcamp)

i think one of the worst parts is that entire conversations were referenced, but cut or never written.

this is a real forgotten homestuck fact: jade was completely freaking out after filling dave with bullets until karkat had talked her through it. very easily forgotten since even though it being referenced twice we never actually saw the conversation. (i overrode the black scratch background so it's easier to read)

wow thats so crazy i as a member of the audience dont in fact remember! would it have killed to write it my guy

and we find out thousands of pages later dave was thinking more about how it wouldve made jade feel to watch him die than knowing he was about to fucking die. if you even care btw

i wrote more about this here

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dates jade but breaks up because he feels inadequate at being the dave that he thinks jade deserves. NOT because they fought or anything. they were still on good terms. davesprite just felt inherently unlovable. john seemed more upset about the breakup frankly.

what davesprite did was because he thought it was in jade's best interest. there is nothing to suggest it was a fight / clash break up. they still seemed to be on good terms, davesprite asking where she went and all. jade says the breakup “is complicated” and “hes going through a lot of stuff”. given the context i think it's reasonable to assume that davesprite's thought process was: “we're coming up to the new session soon and youre going to meet up with dave again and i dont want to make shit awkward with you dating knockoff dave. you deserve to be with real dave instead so im gonna cut what we have going here in advance and distance myself from your life”

jade probably protested about saying how he's just as real as “real dave”, but davesprite made his decision already. im sure it wasnt easy for davesprite to break up either. with emotions running high (sadness, not anger) he probably just left to be alone and distance himself from jade, and seems to harbor guilt about it as we see in the log. that's probably why he wasn't at john's movie party. this is just speculation on my part but it doesnt seem in character for the breakup to be explosive because jade seemed more understanding than john. sad, but understanding.

i feel like a lot of people forget this. grimbark jade made it seem like davesprite did it to hurt her, or for this to mean that dave and jade are not actually good for each other, which is a wild mischaracterization of what happened but the one that stuck with the fandom nonetheless.

not only that, but davesprite's existence tragic and he's understandably depressed. after spending about a year in sburb (accounting for time travel) without john or jade, only to go back and give up your personhood to advance the alpha timeline and become forgotten is fucking crushing, and i think the breakup is also about davesprite coming to terms with that trauma, being okay with his existence as a sprite instead of being a bootleg stand-in for the dave that jade knew.

basically what vintagegamebro says,

it was such a tragic way for them to part for 3 years with no communication, and it was only proceeded by more tragedy because jade then had no one but davesprite to turn to, and davesprite needed anything but romance at that point

grimbark jade isn’t a good reflection of jade’s actual self. she pushed the mayor into lava for fucks sake which normal jade would never dream of doing, grimbark jade is straight up unhinged. i’m sure jade was hurt because all breakups hurt, but it was blown out of proportion (see how calm she was above a few days after the breakup?) because of Evilness. but also as @vintagegamebro mentioned it also felt somewhat … “off”? or out of left field? especially seeing what the nature of the breakup was from both sides in the above screenshots.

when dave says “theres no way i would have done that to you” i genuinely believe him. i have no reason not to believe him. look at him above asking for questions and clarification. thinking about how what davesprite did, a version of himself beyond his control and how it reflects on himself, i think it's obvious dave cares a lot about how jade feels about him

even after this confrontation in the game over timeline, dave laid down his fucking life to defend her corpse from the becs in he hope she could be revived by jane

and to think that after all this he still chose to save her, like always, probably knowing he had little to no chance, just because he cares for her, her life and who she is beyond this moment, really meant a lot for them. i really, really was mad that this would be the last time they would truly ever be together in a way that to me mattered

4. The music question

i wrote this post regarding instruments with this song in the back of my head if its anything. takes about 12 seconds to start after you press play for some reason

this too, closer to the “style”. i like imagining dave going apeshit on drums

[oshanzmorro]

-.*𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙙𝙚*.- 𝘾𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙!𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙓 𝘾𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧

The Reader Is gender neutral , Is Scared of getting older and Losing their only Friend (Y/N = your name||L/N = Last Name ) ANYWAYS

It was Another boring day for you The only time you looked foward to is Sleeping . When You sleep You get to see Your best friend The Collecter and you get to play games with Him !!!,But you had to ask him for something. "Y/N!!" your mother had called you for dinner "Coming Mommy!!" You replied as you dragged yourself down the stairs after a warm Bath "Y/n you seem eger to sleep What's up are that tired of school?" Your Brother asked . You ignored him You just hurried to finish your food so you could get to bed.. "Y/N were worried for you....We know about your fear...." Your sister said.. You looked at Her Wide eyed "You....YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING!!" you lashed out at her because you were scared.....scared she and your family think you were weak for not wanting to grow up "Y/N L/N!!!Thats no way to speak to your family we just want to help you.." You ran up the stairs and slammed your door before locking it . You slumped down on the wall and cried . you cried your eyes out until you fell asleep... Here you were you've decied and theres no going back "Collecter?!" You called out and in a split second there he was "Best friend Y/N!!! Your here " But the second he finally got a good look at you..You looked a mess. red puffy/tired eyes "Playmate Y/N who hurt you" his voice sounded empty and cold "OH....NO ONE COLLECTER TRUST ME BUT " You started "I was gonna ask is there anyway to make me stay young forever so we can be friends....Forever.." The Started grinning widely "Well ofcourse there is BEST FRIEND It's not THAT painful but it does hurt a bit but you can handle it!" The colleter said smiling "Yeah i think i can do anything to stay with my best friend and i cant wait until your free" You said . The collecter Smiled "YAY well ok you asked for it ' The collecter used his power and you felt it your whole body stinged after it was over you didnt feel different but Your clothes had star patterns "OMG COLLECTER THIS IS SO COOL WAIT HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN SLEEP" as the realization hit you what shocked you more was what replied with "Oh..youve been sleep for days because todays the day of unity and the day i get to be set free thats why i gave you a new outfit .. you should wake up and head to the emperiors coven ill be there soon ....!!!"